Pages

Sunday, March 28, 2010

teacher tension

Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.

Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?

Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!

Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.

Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!

Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?

Murid : Faham, cikgu!

Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.

Murid : (senyap)

Cikgu : Pandai!

Murid : Bodoh!

Cikgu : Tinggi!

Murid : Rendah!

Cikgu : Jauh!

Murid : Dekat!

Cikgu : Keadilan!

Murid : UMNO!

Cikgu : Salah!

Murid : Betul!

Cikgu : Bodoh!

Murid : Pandai!

Cikgu : Bukan!

Murid : Ya!

Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!

Murid : Oh Hamba!

Cikgu : Dengar ini!

Murid : Dengar itu!

Cikgu : Diam!

Murid : Bising!

Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!

Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!

Cikgu : Mati aku!



Murid : Hidup kami!

Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!

Murid : Akar lama tak tau!

Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!

Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!

Cikgu : Kamu gila!



Murid : Kami siuman!



Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!

Murid : Kurang! Kurang!

Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!

Murid : Belum! Belum!

Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?

Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!

Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!



Murid : Oh! Mengalah!



Cikgu : Kurang ajar!

Murid : Cukup ajar!

Cikgu : Habis aku!

Murid : Kekal kami!

Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!

Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!

Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!



Murid : Belum, pandai!

Cikgu : Berdiri!

Murid : Duduk!

Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!

Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!

Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!

Murid : Cerdik kami tu!

Cikgu : Rosak!

Murid : Baik!

Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!

Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!

Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)

What is the difference between men and women?

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night..
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

A Poem of INTI

At first I love INTI
But INTI loves my money
I ask money from daddy
But daddy asks mummy
Mummy goes to INTI
And find out why INTI's so greedy
The lift always mati
And the guards look like monkey
That's why I started to hate INTI

INTI don't love me
What for I love INTI
All they need is money
Nothing but money, money and money

The lecturers teach like bugs bunny
No wonder they're so lousy
And their faces look so funny
Like Talos the mummy

Futhermore, more more money flows to INTI
But they never plant more trees
All because they want to save money
Make all students feel hot to mati

First I entered INTI I got no kaki
Later I found someone likes to play tai tee
Then I started don't want to study
Here we can find a lot of kaki judi
That's why we must blame INTI

Since I entered INTI I cant see any leng lui lili sexy

Even the lecturers are more pretty
I always want to date them for tea
But I always kejar they always lari

Dr. Lim from SOLLA always lan si
People said his pucuk already mati
Even Viagra also tak boleh jadi
That's why loh people say he is 'cc'

He likes to tell jokes to everybody
But his joke never funny
Sometimes people thinks that his crazy
Dr. Lim so pity

INTI's toilets really smelly
No water no api
Even you haven't pee
You want to lari
Always complain they also say soli soli

Tan yew sing always said his INTI got quality
Instead everyone knows they are lousy
INTI motive just to earn more money
So that they can pay lecturers salary
And INTI share in KLSE can naik lagi
Waterfish like us always press by INTI
Just to tipu more more money

That is all the story about INTI
Which loves money
But after all I still come to INTI
To contribute money


(u r not in INTI?
u r very lucky
coz INTI cant bluff ur money
just cabut n jangan kembali~!!)

Student of INTI
noway to lari
already jadi SuiYee (waterfish)
plz tell everybody
jangan kena tipu lagi




And this~ frm UTARian
I join Utar because UM reject me,
I thought Utar would be a good uni,
but end up wanna lompat from KLCC...

Utar exist thanks to MCA,
Dr Ling always said Utar bagus;
as he employed all MCA members,
so you can see cina, cina and cina...

Admin people not helpful,
always ask us to tunggu, tunggu, tunggu;
do things slow like siput,
remind again kena marah like gila...

Big white shark always tipu us,
said we could form any clubs;
when we want snooker club,
she said snookers only for smookers...

Utar treat us like donkey,
each seminar put us different places;
from block PA move to block PD,
distance PA to PD is 2km ...

FICT is getting crazy,
keep changing subjects for different intakes;
make us cannot get notes from seniors,
pity us have to study the whole text book...

Utar is University Tak Ada Ruang,
everything in Utar is limited;
based on first-come-first-serve basis,
if you are slow then is too bad ...

Classrooms in Utar are 'cheap sikit',
aircon not cold, we pening kepala,
tables, chairs, white boards all too small,
I wonder who could take the toll...

I drive CLK to Utar everyday,
kesian my Cute Little Kelisa got no place to park,
so I always block people's car,
leave message to remove car,
but end up polis give me summons...

PA canteen uncle very gemuk one,
I think he wear 65 inches pants,
always scold his worker malas tak kerja,
and the food always sejuk tak sedap ...

Library in Utar really kecil,
no books, no seats, no tables;
students there are very noisy,
sometimes I feel like bunuh them...

Utar computer lab tiada standard,
lab assistant always naik angin,
because we always ask him to change ribbon,
and Utar server always go mati ...

Utar got no place for revision,
every corner I go always see people,
break time I always get crazy,
because there is no place to study...

95 percent Utar student are Chinese,
only talk Mandarin, Hokkien and Hakka,
cannot speak a word in English,
so they always carry a electronic dictionary...

No doubts Utar got leng lui,
very pretty, very cute, and sexy,
make sure you got money before asking them out,
if not later she lari...

Utar always claim itself ada standard,
but you will vomit when u know the truth,
paying RM4,000-plus every semester,
but you'll never get the value of 4k ...

Maybe you don't believe that Utar is so lousy,
you may ask your friends from Utar,
to see whether I'm telling the truth,
I'm here to let u know how bad it is ...

So please study hard in STPM,
so that you can go local U,
if not you'll be like me,
paying so much but still empty!
Health - Very Very Important Tips

Answer the phone by LEFT ear.
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water.
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATERin the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.

Forward this to those whom you CARE about!

HEALTHY JUICES

Carrot + Ginger + Apple -Boost and cleanse our system.
Apple + Cucumber + Celery -Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and eliminate stomach
upset and headache.
Tomato + Carrot + Apple-Improve skin complexion and eliminate bad breath.
Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon -To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi -To improve skin complexion
Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content
Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango -Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization
Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and str engthen body immunity
Papaya + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism
Banana + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation

Alzheimer's Test ??? take this and see

1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If y ou already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999996999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult..
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel
your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having Alzheimer 's Disease.
Congratulations!
As long as WE have memories,Yesterday Will remain,
As long as WE have hope, Tomorrow Will wait,
As long as WE have friendship, Everyday is beautiful ....
The best memories are often made of good friends, good food and a little
slice of time to be together

Jawapan Sejarah Yg Buat Cikgu Pengsan!!!







Friday, March 26, 2010

the best UPSR karangan 2008

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk.. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.
Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.
Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit "Adoi!". Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.
Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting
Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.
Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit "Adoi..!" dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.
Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

own email domain