HOW IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION AND KNOWLEDGE

Effectiveness !

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure out how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man in his eighties who had been fixing ships since he was a young man. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully from top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there watching this man and hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."



The man sent a bill that read:





Tapping with a hammer...... ......... $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... $ 9,998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!

WONDERFUL BOSS

There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project. All of
them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of
their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the
job.;

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have
promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our
township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.

His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today"

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As
usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he
felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM. Suddenly he
remembered of the promise he had given to his children.

He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning
itself, he closed everything and left for home.

Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his
children.He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was
sitting in the hall and reading magazines.

The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife
asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve
dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but
what about Children ??"
Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and
has taken the children to the exhibition "

What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him permission was
observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this
person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children
they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.

So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition

The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty
is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their
boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.

By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?

He was none other than Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, President of India . . .

GHOST STORY

Read it when you have time. Very nice mail for people working late night.
Please don’t delete it without reading.

Neha opened his mail box and saw a new mail from new person

Hi Neha, I see you every night sitting in the office till very late.

Don’t you have friends? Don’t you feel like talking to your roommate?
You should not sit very late in the office. this is a genuine advice from me.

Thanks,
Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After reading the mail, Neha was very angry on the sender. She simply deleted the mail and said to herself “who is he to give me any advice?”. She again got back to her work.

After that night, every night Rahul would keep sending her mails and Neha would simply delete them without even reading the content of the mail. But one fine night the subject line attracted her and she had to open the mail.

The subject line of the mail was “Hi Gorgeous”.

Hi Gorgeous,

Yes today you are looking very gorgeous in this red saree. I know you don’t read my mails as you don’t like the advices I give you.

So today I wont give you any advice, I will just say that I am love with you. You know you are very beautiful and if you take care of
yourself many men will fall in love with you.

I am sure someday you will also fall in love with me. And then we will go out for a date.

Oh before I end the mail I must tell you that the best thing about is that smile. Or is it those intense which needs some sleep at the moment.

Take care dear.
Love you.
Rahul Mehra.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After reading the mail she was shocked. A person she had never met, never seen, never spoke to was saying that he was in love with her. She started thinking was this always in his mind. How did he get her id? Where had he seen her? Many questions like this came in her mind. Finally she thought of giving a warning and replied to his mail.

Hi Rahul,

I don’t want to spoil your career but if you don’t stop sending me mails I will raise an ASHI against you.

Thanks and Regards,
Neha Jain
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After this mail, the mails from Rahul stopped coming in Neha’s inbox. She thought that finally Rahul has got scared and wont be mailing her again.

After several nights, Neha was resting on her chair and her eyes closed. When she opened her eyes she saw Rahul’s mail in her mailbox.


Hi Gorgeous,

With your closed eyes you were dreaming about me, right? Oh sorry for not sending any mails in the last few days.

I was a little busy. I am sure you would have missed me a lot.

One more thing before I forget I want to say that I am not scared of ASHI.

An ASHI cant be a reason to stop loving you.

Love you.
Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neha was twisting her hair and putting them behind her ears. At that moment itself another mail came from Rahul,

Hi Gorgeous,

Now stop playing with your hair and leave the office. it is very late.

Love.
Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neha was shocked as to how did this person know what she was doing on her desk. She got up to check whether anyone was there in her floor but could
find only empty cubicles. She thought maybe he made a wild guess and decided to leave the office. before leaving she saw another mail from Rahul.

Hi Neha,

Searching for me??? You have started falling in love with me. J

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neha was shocked and scared to hell. She simply switched off her machine and ran outside the office. in the next few days she would not open any mails sent by Rahul. One night a mail with subject line “Don’t be scared of me” came to her mailbox. First she thought to ignore the mail then she thought lets see what has Rahul written this time.

Hi Neha,

Don’t be scared of me. I can say that you are scared of me because of the way you ran out from the office the last time you read my mail.

I know few minutes back you had gone to have coffee. You are thinking how I know this because I can feel you around me.

Only once you also start feeling me you will know that I am near to you.

Very near. Just sitting next to you.

I will wait for the night when you start having the same feelings for me.

Will always love you.

Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now Neha started thinking was Rahul really in love with her? What he was saying was it true? But how could he know so much about her? How could he

say what she was doing and what not? Neha thought lets give a try and see whether Rahul is always in love with her or not. From that night she also

started replying to his mail.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Neha,

Do you feel bad if I call you gorgeous?

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neha’s reply:

Yes Rahul. I don’t like this word.

You can address me as Neha, isn’t it short and simple. and I love my name

a lot.

Thanks and Regards,

Neha Jain
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rahul’s reply:

Point noted Neha. But when I am happy, excited I would call you with some

special name at that time.

Tomorrow you have your certification so all the best for that.

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neha was again shocked as to how does he know about her certification. She

had never told him. She replied Rahul,

Who is the person who is giving you details about me? I had not told you

about my certification how do you know it?

Thanks and regards,

Neha Jain
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rahul replied back to her

I know it because I in front of you. Cant you see me? Cant you feel me

close to you?

I also know that after 3 days you have your appraisal. Now this you have

not told anyone. Just your PM knows about it.

Do you think your PM will give me all these details?

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neha not sure of the answer. She knew her PM would not have told Rahul all this but how did Rahul know so much about her was a mystery for her.

Finally she thought she will talk to her PM, Rohan.

Next day, she went to her PM’s desk.

“Hi Rohan. I wanted to ask you something”.

Rohan:- “Sure Neha. Are having any issues?”

Neha:- “No. actually I wanted to know about a person named Rahul Mehra.”

Rohan was shocked on hearing that name. PM:- “How did you come across this

name. has anyone told you about him?”

Neha:- “No one has said anything to me about him. Few days back he started

sending me e-mails. First I ignored but then he would give such details

which I did just few minutes back. He even knows my appraisal date.”

Rohan:- “Are you sure you got mails from Rahul Mehra only?”

Neha:- “Yes very much. But why do you looked shock?”

Rohan:- “Because Rahul Mehra died 2 years back. He use to sit at the same

place where you are sitting. How can a dead person send mails to you.”

Neha was shocked. She didn’t know how to react to this.

Rohan:- “If you don’t believe me then you can try finding his name in the

telephone directory. Maybe someone told you about him and because of work

stress you started imagining that he is sending you mails.”

Neha:- “I am not imagining anything. He has really send me a mail. I can

show you in my mailbox.”

Rohan:- “Okay Neha I believe you but still I think you should take a break

and go home.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Neha was still in shock with the news she got from Rohan. She just did a search on telephone directory for a name with Rahul Mehra and page
Returned no records. She again checked the mail id and employee number details. She did a search many times that day by putting various combinations but the
Search page displayed the same message “No matches found for the given search criteria”. She could not believe that someone could hack the system and
send mails to her from an non-existing id. She attached the mails sent by Rahul and sent it to Rohan as a proof that she was not dreaming.

On seeing the attached mails even Rohan was in shock. He came to Neha’s desk.

Rohan:- “I think by mistake his id has not been deleted and someone who knows about it is playing with it.”

Neha:- “But I checked the details on telephone directory there are no records available for this id.”

Rohan:- “Talk to the CCD people and see what they have to say.”

She called up the CCD people. They took control over her system and looked at the mail sent by Rahul Mehra. The mail was sent from the from the same
computer which Neha was using. The time stamp at which the mails were sent Neha had logged in. Also there was no evidence that a remote desktop connection
was made or mail was sent through web mail. Even the CCD people were clueless as to how a mail has been sent from a non-existing id and from Neha’s system
itself.

There were no viruses or torjans or any other kind of threats on Neha’s system. Her anti-virus was upto date. The whole day was gone in finding a
loophole as to how did Neha get such a mail in her mailbox. Neha was tierd from the day’s happening and so she decided to leave early from the office that
day.

The next day when Neha came back, she saw a mail from Rahul Mehra. She didn’t know whether she should delete that mail or read that mail. She was
scared to open the mail. Somehow she gained some courage and opened the mail. The context of the mail was:-
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Neha,

Good to see that you left the office early tonight. I know Rohan told you about my death.

I was also a workaholic like you. I would sit late in the office, even when no one was around me.

I just being at office. I had no friends, no social life. Even on weekends I would use to come to office.

I missed all the fun in my life. Even my death happened at office while I was working.

My dead body was found by the house keeping guy and the security guard at the reception.

I took a lot of work stress which my conscious mind could not bear that day. I ignored all the health problems I was having.

And finally on that night (20. 10. 09, 11:24 PM) all these reasons became responsible for my death.

Now you know why I am not scared of ASHI.

But yes if I was alive then also I wont be scared of ASHI because I have really fallen in love with you but we cant be together until your death.

Now the choice is yours whether you will kill yourself on your own or whether I need to do the honors.

Waiting for your death. Love you always.
Rahul Mehra

Some love stories have ghost in it…

How to keep a woman happy.... Priceless!

How to keep a woman happy.... Priceless!




It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Leave him alone

THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

This becomes effective March 1, 2010. The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive Testing on a newly Designed Seat Belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%
When the belt is properly installed.

Correct Installation is illustrated below...

Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!





This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%

I KNOW... YOU SMILED.

Have a nice day

The Banana Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals:

-A Lion
-A Chimp
-A Giraffe
&
-A Squirrel



They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.


Who do you guess will win?


Your answer will reflect your personality.


So think carefully . . ..
Try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer?


Now scroll down to see the analysis.


:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:

:

:

If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're dense.
Giraffe = you're a complete moron.
Squirrel = you're hopeless.

because

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

pls think of other

This is excellent...




A mouse looked through the crack
in the wall to see the farmer and
his wife open a package.

What food might this contain?'
The mouse wondered -
he was devastated to discover it
was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning:
There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, 'Mr.Mouse,
I can tell this is a grave concern
to you, but it is of no consequence to me.

I cannot be bothered by it.'

The mouse turned to the pig and told him,
'There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'

The pig sympathized, but said, I am
so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there
is nothing I can do about it but pray.


Be assured you are in my prayers.'



The mouse turned to
the cow and said
'There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!'

The cow said, 'Wow, Mr. Mouse.
I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.'

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected,
to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the
sound of a mousetrap catching its
prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see
what was caught. In the darkness,
she did not see it was a venomous
snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the hospital
and she returned home with a fever.
Everyone knows you treat a fever
with fresh chicken soup, so the
farmer took his hatchet to the
farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.


But his wife's sickness continued,
so friends and neighbors came to
sit with her around the clock.

To feed them, the farmer
butchered thepig.

The farmer's wife did not get well;
she died.

So many people came for her funeral,
the farmer had the cow slaughtered
to provide enough meat for all
of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from
his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone
is facing a problem and think it
doesn't concern you, remember --
when one of us is threatened,
we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey
called life. We must keep an eye out
for one another and make an extra
effort to encourage one another.

SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHO
HAS EVER HELPED YOU OUT
AND LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE.

REMEMBER,,,,

EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD
IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY;

OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.




One of the best things to hold
onto in this world is a friend

man always smart

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant
Demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the
Amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their
Marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you
Know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me
Drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that
Start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking
Sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from,
And let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note
To the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be
Understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her
Note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I
Didn't realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm
Sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the
Bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make
Sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you
Upstairs."

advantage of sex

1. Sex is good to lose or maintain your weight.
Why torture yourself at the gym every week while having sex you can lose an easy 200 calories? Sex makes your muscles stronger, you get more flexible and you’ll have a better condition. And at the same time you’ll have a nice personal trainer. Isn’t that a nice idea? But if you really want to maintain weight; don’t get pregnant women.

2. Sex relieves pain
And for you women who complain about headaches so much; Sex helps! Not only for headaches because it relieves pain when have you your period too. But not too many men or women like to have sex when the women are bleeding to death. Except for those two pains, it also helps when you got back aches. The reason it relieves pain with woman, is that their pain level gets much higher when they have sex. Or they don’t think about their pains anymore while enjoying the sex. So men, no more pain killers by the bed to try to convince your woman to have sex.

3. Sex reduces stress
Yes, sex is relaxing. Your less tensed It doesn’t matter if you’re having sex on your own with mister bunny with someone else. Hormones make you feel warm and relaxed. And say it yourself. What’s more relaxing than having sex after a stressful day at work or with your in laws?

4. Sex is good for your immune system

People who are sexual active become less times sick. Sex reinforces your natural immune system and makes your body defend itself easier against viruses and other unwanted intruders. Why do I think about a phone call of my mother in law who wanted to come over and I told her she couldn’t because I was going to have sex with her son?

Also when you’re having an orgasm, the hormone prolactine is relieved and this can be used with Parkinson and Alzheimer.

5. Sex is good for your heart

Yes there is more than omega 5 butter. Sex is good for your heart. It makes your blood run trough all your veins and lowers the cholesterol lowers your blood pressure and in that way it can prevent heart attacks. At least when you’re in good health to start with and don’t need to use too much Viagra.



6. Sex is good for your self confidence and good for intimacy

When you have sex on a regular basis when you’re in a relationship, it will make you feel more connected to each other and the intimacy will grow. The warmth and intimacy will make you feel more self confident. What a bunch of hormones can do to you, right?

7. Sex improves sleeping

Sex(and masturbation) can make you sleep better. Like I wrote before in, http://hubpages.com/hub/Bye-bye-insomnia--hello-sex, it’s good when you have insomnia. The physical effort you put into having sex and the hormones that are released when you’re having sex, make you feel drowsy, relaxed and then their often is no trouble getting into sleep.

8. Sex will keep you young and vital

Like my grandfather said when he was 90 and had a 55 year old girlfriend; Sex keeps you young and vital. You feel loved at your most vulnerable moment and feel good about that and start acting feeling great. That old man started jumping around the house after a good night of uhhh… sleep.

9. Sex is good for your mood

Feeling depressed? Had a bad day at the office? Stop being moody. Sex is the answer. Because of the hormones that get released after an orgasm, you feel much better and the day looks much brighter than it did at first.

10. Sex reduces the risks of cancer

There have been studies finding connections between sexual activity and reduced cases of cancer. Men who had regular sex seemed to have less chances of cancer. I’m talking about prostate cancer. A man, who ejaculates regulary, has less chance to get prostate cancer than men who don’t use that “thing” enough or don’t use it at all.

Sex is just healthy

As you see, sex is just a healthy thing for yourself or for the relationship you’re in. Your body is responding in a positive way on sexual activity. So when you want to go to the gym next time, maybe you’ll think about spending an evening at home instead. Just enjoy together, but remember at the same time also, a good relationship is not all about sex. It’s not that easy hé?

the value of love is expensive than the value of one hour

*************************************************************************************************
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year
old
son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the
man
said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you
can
borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you
march
yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are
being
so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'


The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little
boy's
questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to
think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and
he
really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the
little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the
man.
'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the
$25
you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he
yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.


The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his
father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father
grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come
home
early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
begged
for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We
should
not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time
with
those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember
to
share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace
us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will
feel
the loss for the rest of their lives.

Please don't break this even if you only send it to one person. Thanks

This is attitude

IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS.
IF AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN...... .LIFE BEGINS.
GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN .

IT'S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU LOVE.
THAN TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE ....... BECAUSE OF EGO

WHY WE HAVE SO MANY TEMPLES , IF GOD IS EVERYWHERE ?

A WISE MAN SAID :
AIR IS EVERYWHERE,
BUT WE STILL NEED A FAN TO FEEL IT .

WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT
ANY DOUBT....... AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO :
EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE ........
IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK

SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,
MAJOR : EXCELLENT ! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.

THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE IT. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS "
BECAUSE IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.

"You never conquer a mountain. You stand on the summit a few moments; then the wind blows your footprints away."

“I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand..”
Chinese proverb

“The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become.”


"Winners don't do different things...
They do things differently...."

resume of ilaya thalapathi

Resume
Ilaya Thalapathy Dr.Vijay Email: killthepeople@suicide.com
Phone: +910000000000




----------------------------------------------------------


Career Object : To make the audience run away from theaters, gradually reduce the normal death rate and increase the suicide deaths.

Preofessio'nil' Experience:

• 21 years in Tamil Industry.
• Junior Artist - 1988 (with 1 hit, 9 flops)
• Mass roles- 1989(4 flops)
• Lead role- 1996- till date( 4 hits, 46 flops)

Acting Skills:

• Jumping From One Big Building to another in Air (KURUVI)
• Flying from inside the Sea (SURA)
• Going With Lift inside the sea bed.Never ever seen Hollywood flick stunts.(KURUVI).
• Reaching Finals witjout winnning semifinals(GHILLLI)
Expected CTC: Min. 5 crores for each film

Achievements: World Record, Limca Record and Pepsi Record in flops

Role Model: My Self and Captain Vijayakanth,the Tiger of Tamil Nadu

Project Details:
1. Bike riding on ground to running Train and go to Pakistan from India with Parachute only.
2. Climbing any mountain with hands.
3. Pulling chair front and catching the runing flight.

Leadership Skills:

•Led a knife to attack the enemy hanging on the plane's shield.(VILLU)
Special Attraction:
1. Shoot People not only in movie, but outside also
2. Having powerful eyes. (AADHI)
3. Senseless talking in functions, interviews
4. Hitting thigh and talking without opening the mouth(PUNCH DIALOGUES)

Personal Details:

Name: Vijay Joseph
Father (uncle)’s name: SA Chandrasekaran
Age : 21yrs in Industry
Weight: I Dont know Exactly.
Sex: Intrested
Hobbies: I am Not a Man to have Hobbies
Languages known: English ( Eg: One day I went to a library and asked for a book "Psycho The Rapist".
The Librarian searched for hours and came back ...slapped me and said,
"Idiot, the book is called Psychotherapist ").

DISCLAIMER:
Sorry for the Spelink Micstakes, as don’t know Indian English, I know only foreign English

reason of accident

better learn english

be happy with what you have

A Story to live by
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always
there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see
the world, I will marry you.'

One day,
someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages
came off, she was able to see everything, including her
boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The
girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The
sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected
that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life
led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her
saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a
Gift

Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone
who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who died
too early on this earth.

Before
you complain about your children - Think of someone who
desires children but they're barren.

Before
you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or
sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.

And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.

But
before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still
around.
==========================

I PRAY
THIS MOVES AROUND

THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE

who is the most clever???? guy or girl....

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".The woman replied,

"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.















































The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour.

3 brothers

Banta Singh walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I'm here in London . When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."

Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no,"

He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is . .


I have quit drinking"!!!

** This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in Britain

clever indian with stupid australian

An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (a grocery store in
Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans
of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat
and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show
him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home
and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen
cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets
suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog
and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks the Indian to
bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.

The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog
food.

Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager
to put his hand in the bag.

The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and
immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the F*** is
this? Is this shit you idiot?

The Indian calmly replies, Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper.

teacher tension

Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.

Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?

Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!

Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.

Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!

Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?

Murid : Faham, cikgu!

Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.

Murid : (senyap)

Cikgu : Pandai!

Murid : Bodoh!

Cikgu : Tinggi!

Murid : Rendah!

Cikgu : Jauh!

Murid : Dekat!

Cikgu : Keadilan!

Murid : UMNO!

Cikgu : Salah!

Murid : Betul!

Cikgu : Bodoh!

Murid : Pandai!

Cikgu : Bukan!

Murid : Ya!

Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!

Murid : Oh Hamba!

Cikgu : Dengar ini!

Murid : Dengar itu!

Cikgu : Diam!

Murid : Bising!

Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!

Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!

Cikgu : Mati aku!



Murid : Hidup kami!

Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!

Murid : Akar lama tak tau!

Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!

Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!

Cikgu : Kamu gila!



Murid : Kami siuman!



Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!

Murid : Kurang! Kurang!

Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!

Murid : Belum! Belum!

Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?

Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!

Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!



Murid : Oh! Mengalah!



Cikgu : Kurang ajar!

Murid : Cukup ajar!

Cikgu : Habis aku!

Murid : Kekal kami!

Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!

Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!

Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!



Murid : Belum, pandai!

Cikgu : Berdiri!

Murid : Duduk!

Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!

Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!

Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!

Murid : Cerdik kami tu!

Cikgu : Rosak!

Murid : Baik!

Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!

Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!

Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)

What is the difference between men and women?

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night..
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

A Poem of INTI

At first I love INTI
But INTI loves my money
I ask money from daddy
But daddy asks mummy
Mummy goes to INTI
And find out why INTI's so greedy
The lift always mati
And the guards look like monkey
That's why I started to hate INTI

INTI don't love me
What for I love INTI
All they need is money
Nothing but money, money and money

The lecturers teach like bugs bunny
No wonder they're so lousy
And their faces look so funny
Like Talos the mummy

Futhermore, more more money flows to INTI
But they never plant more trees
All because they want to save money
Make all students feel hot to mati

First I entered INTI I got no kaki
Later I found someone likes to play tai tee
Then I started don't want to study
Here we can find a lot of kaki judi
That's why we must blame INTI

Since I entered INTI I cant see any leng lui lili sexy

Even the lecturers are more pretty
I always want to date them for tea
But I always kejar they always lari

Dr. Lim from SOLLA always lan si
People said his pucuk already mati
Even Viagra also tak boleh jadi
That's why loh people say he is 'cc'

He likes to tell jokes to everybody
But his joke never funny
Sometimes people thinks that his crazy
Dr. Lim so pity

INTI's toilets really smelly
No water no api
Even you haven't pee
You want to lari
Always complain they also say soli soli

Tan yew sing always said his INTI got quality
Instead everyone knows they are lousy
INTI motive just to earn more money
So that they can pay lecturers salary
And INTI share in KLSE can naik lagi
Waterfish like us always press by INTI
Just to tipu more more money

That is all the story about INTI
Which loves money
But after all I still come to INTI
To contribute money


(u r not in INTI?
u r very lucky
coz INTI cant bluff ur money
just cabut n jangan kembali~!!)

Student of INTI
noway to lari
already jadi SuiYee (waterfish)
plz tell everybody
jangan kena tipu lagi




And this~ frm UTARian
I join Utar because UM reject me,
I thought Utar would be a good uni,
but end up wanna lompat from KLCC...

Utar exist thanks to MCA,
Dr Ling always said Utar bagus;
as he employed all MCA members,
so you can see cina, cina and cina...

Admin people not helpful,
always ask us to tunggu, tunggu, tunggu;
do things slow like siput,
remind again kena marah like gila...

Big white shark always tipu us,
said we could form any clubs;
when we want snooker club,
she said snookers only for smookers...

Utar treat us like donkey,
each seminar put us different places;
from block PA move to block PD,
distance PA to PD is 2km ...

FICT is getting crazy,
keep changing subjects for different intakes;
make us cannot get notes from seniors,
pity us have to study the whole text book...

Utar is University Tak Ada Ruang,
everything in Utar is limited;
based on first-come-first-serve basis,
if you are slow then is too bad ...

Classrooms in Utar are 'cheap sikit',
aircon not cold, we pening kepala,
tables, chairs, white boards all too small,
I wonder who could take the toll...

I drive CLK to Utar everyday,
kesian my Cute Little Kelisa got no place to park,
so I always block people's car,
leave message to remove car,
but end up polis give me summons...

PA canteen uncle very gemuk one,
I think he wear 65 inches pants,
always scold his worker malas tak kerja,
and the food always sejuk tak sedap ...

Library in Utar really kecil,
no books, no seats, no tables;
students there are very noisy,
sometimes I feel like bunuh them...

Utar computer lab tiada standard,
lab assistant always naik angin,
because we always ask him to change ribbon,
and Utar server always go mati ...

Utar got no place for revision,
every corner I go always see people,
break time I always get crazy,
because there is no place to study...

95 percent Utar student are Chinese,
only talk Mandarin, Hokkien and Hakka,
cannot speak a word in English,
so they always carry a electronic dictionary...

No doubts Utar got leng lui,
very pretty, very cute, and sexy,
make sure you got money before asking them out,
if not later she lari...

Utar always claim itself ada standard,
but you will vomit when u know the truth,
paying RM4,000-plus every semester,
but you'll never get the value of 4k ...

Maybe you don't believe that Utar is so lousy,
you may ask your friends from Utar,
to see whether I'm telling the truth,
I'm here to let u know how bad it is ...

So please study hard in STPM,
so that you can go local U,
if not you'll be like me,
paying so much but still empty!

Health - Very Very Important Tips

Answer the phone by LEFT ear.
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water.
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATERin the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.

Forward this to those whom you CARE about!

HEALTHY JUICES

Carrot + Ginger + Apple -Boost and cleanse our system.
Apple + Cucumber + Celery -Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and eliminate stomach
upset and headache.
Tomato + Carrot + Apple-Improve skin complexion and eliminate bad breath.
Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon -To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi -To improve skin complexion
Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content
Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango -Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization
Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and str engthen body immunity
Papaya + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism
Banana + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation

Alzheimer's Test ??? take this and see

1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If y ou already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999996999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult..
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel
your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having Alzheimer 's Disease.
Congratulations!
As long as WE have memories,Yesterday Will remain,
As long as WE have hope, Tomorrow Will wait,
As long as WE have friendship, Everyday is beautiful ....
The best memories are often made of good friends, good food and a little
slice of time to be together

Jawapan Sejarah Yg Buat Cikgu Pengsan!!!

the best UPSR karangan 2008

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk.. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.
Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.
Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit "Adoi!". Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.
Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting
Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.
Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit "Adoi..!" dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.
Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.

FUNNY JOKES

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: MALAYSIA ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in MALAYSIA

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'RADIO TELEVISYEN MALAYSIA!

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child

Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius

.........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?

PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your
nose with your finger mah !

Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?

PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose
feel better than your finger, right ?

Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?

PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over
and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !

Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her
menses?

PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow
ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ...........

Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are
making love ?

PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a
glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah.
Corlight or not?

Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?

PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn .............................. you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid
lah!!

Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.

PCK : Aiyah ....... ,' Best in Singapore , JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!'
also ah!!!

pass it 2 ur fren.....& let them laugh out loud....

Food for thought INDIANZ...

When will we all change? Here are the facts:
1. Why we need 1700 temples for only 3 million Indians in Malaysia? Its does not makes sense, but we still continue build temple and fight for it.


2. We only have 450 Tamil schools in Malaysia and its getting lesser.
3. Every Fridays, temples in the cities earn minimum of $500 ($2000 per month), no electricity bill, and no water bill.
4. Tamil school - $50 per child per year, electricity bill, water bill, teacher's salary and maintenances every month.
5. Most temples in cities are renovated, air conditioned, and own a beautiful wedding hall.

6. Tamil school was build in 1970's still the same, with broken table and chairs, spoiled fan and lights, buku pinjaman torned, bad environment for student and teachers. I have not seen 1 Tamil school with air conditioned except the HM room, if you know 1 please let me know. I will salute the person who builds it.


7. $2 million Batu Caves Lord Muruga Statue build by Indians with donation money by Indian people, $10 million minimum was spend every year for praying on Thaipusam by devotes (this is the reason i say the Devotees are worse ignorant person).

8. Why blame government for not allocation fund for Tamil school (is it logic), why can't we just pay $1 for praying and $9 for Tamil School?
9. $200 minimum spend by Indian Alcoholicans on every weekend for clubbing and entertainment.

10. Run away or ignore when ask for donation of $5 for Tamil School.

11. In every Indian house there will be TV, HI-FI Radio, CD/DVD player and the classic Astro. They have watched the all the latest Tamil movie even it's not out in theater yet.





12. Their children will be in buku pinjaman, no revision book, never or maybe once been to bookstore, never encourage for piano class, violin class, swimming, even language class other than those offered in school. And no computer with reason can't afford to have 1.


These are some of the issue that we ignore and still doing it. As some of you have considered Tamil Education is a waste of time, for the rest of Indians; are we still going to ignore it or make a change?


Please don't forget that in the 80's, Chinese schools and Tamil Schools was in same level as Sekolah Jenis Kebangsaan. There were more students in Tamil School and the infrastructure was the same.
But today, look at Chinese Schools and compare it with out Tamil Schools, (sigh). Please take note that Chinese Schools most of it are 100% non-government support. As we all already know our government trying to the level best to abolish these 2 schools, they dream are coming true for Tamil Schools but not for Chinese Schools.

If you really really have 2 minutes, just have a look at 1 of Chinese Schools near by your house in the morning or after school.

You can see their parents will be waiting in their Mercedes, BMW, Toyota , Honda and even motorbike to pick their kids from school back home.
I have never ever seen any Indian parents with their Mercedes or Toyota waiting for their kids outside Tamil School .

Maybe there is as we can't see them.....Invisible....:)
Please think....

Valgha Indian

Stress Reliever

Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,

"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
______________________________ _____________________


Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 4

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"

Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"

Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 5

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 6

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 7

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered.

"He showed ! up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 8

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
______________________________ _______________________


Stress Reliever # 9

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire" :)

You are a Tamilian Only if .......

You are a Tamilian Only if .......

1-You arrive one hour late to a party and findout you are the first one to arrive.

2-You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'anna'
just because he's behind a counter.

3-You wear a suit to a wedding... and you areonly 3 years old.

4-The wedding takes an hour and the grouppictures take five hours.

5-Your mom and sister together own morejewelery than a Chinese jewelery store.

6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is togo down to the temples in India .

7-You talk for an hour at the front door whenleaving someone's house.

8-The second your guests leave the house, yourparents start talking about them.

9-You rent a cassette from the grocery store,it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3
months later.

10-You go to a Tamil Cultural program only tofind one barathanatyam and six hip hop shows.

11-You are somehow related to every new friendyou meet.

12-Your remote control is still in its plasticpacket.

13-You get a 95% on a test and your parents askWhat happened to the other 5%?!'

14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by.

15-You see married couples kissing on TV buthave never seenyour Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.

16-Your parents never address each other byname.

17-When you get your first part-time job, yourparents expect you to give them half.

18-Your mother has a minor dispute with hersister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years.

19-Your parents say Swiss instead ofSwitzerland, Germany is German and England is London .

20-you go to a party and your aunt comments onhow your skin color has changed.

21-You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all thesongs from Roja are dubbed in it.

22-When the teacher took attendance and therewas a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said
'here.'

23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.

24-You have dinner at 10pm.

25-When your parents say 'BBC' theydon't mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or
aunty Kamala.

26-It's normal for all the relatives tobathe the groom on his wedding day.

27-You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousinon your father's side is pregnant even before she does.

28-Your aunties tease you about a particularlyeligible cousin... & you like it!!!

29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and5 spoons of sugar.

30-You only stop putting more rice on yourguest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to
stop.

31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, youget: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you
repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!'

32-If you are a girl, you are expected to comehome before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa,
jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'

33-Halfway through your shower you realize thatyour Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been
replaced by Siyakkai shampoo.

34-You walk in to another Tamil family'shouse and they have the same furniture and dining set as
yours.


35- You are a true tamilian if you forward this mail to another tamilian

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:

The result

Markets silent
Streets empty
The police at rest
All mobile companies in loss
No SMS
No Flowers
No Valentine
No Candles
No Perfumes
All the men directed to Heaven.

Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:


If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


If:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%


Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

.

Have a nice day & God bless you

Health - Important Tips

Answer the phone by LEFT ear
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day
Do not take pills with COOL water
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times

Way for a long life

Man : Is there any way for long life ?
Doctor : Get married.

Man : Will it help?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.
~~~~~~~~~
Prospective husband : Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Sales girl : The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
~~~~~~~~~
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
~~~~~~~~~
They say true love hides behind every Corner...
I must be walking in Circles !

What is important in life is LIFE, not the result of Life"

A True story!!

It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.

* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!

With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.

When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.

One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently
and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her,two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached
the winning post.

Officials were shocked.

Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.

Many eyes we re filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!

YES. This happened in Hyderabad, recently !

The sport was conducted by! National Institute of Mental Health.

All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children.

Yes, they were mentally retarded.

What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????

Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.

Why Indian Films Should Win Oscars

Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair...Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair...



Here is our hero's brother....The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls .....



Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor....This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'...This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'....



The shells triggered Balakrishna's brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells...



Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb...The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking...See the weird buttons on the bomb??....The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'....Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...



Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his _expression...Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet



Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Kappalandi...The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on.



He concentrates with the shell between his teeth...Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating...With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb



Loo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army....The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the green button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother



BRILLIANT!!!

TRUE ABOUT INDIAN WOMAN AND GIRLS