Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.
Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
Murid : Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid : (senyap)
Cikgu : Pandai!
Murid : Bodoh!
Cikgu : Tinggi!
Murid : Rendah!
Cikgu : Jauh!
Murid : Dekat!
Cikgu : Keadilan!
Murid : UMNO!
Cikgu : Salah!
Murid : Betul!
Cikgu : Bodoh!
Murid : Pandai!
Cikgu : Bukan!
Murid : Ya!
Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!
Murid : Oh Hamba!
Cikgu : Dengar ini!
Murid : Dengar itu!
Cikgu : Diam!
Murid : Bising!
Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu : Mati aku!
Murid : Hidup kami!
Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!
Murid : Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu : Kamu gila!
Murid : Kami siuman!
Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!
Murid : Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!
Murid : Belum! Belum!
Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!
Murid : Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu : Kurang ajar!
Murid : Cukup ajar!
Cikgu : Habis aku!
Murid : Kekal kami!
Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!
Murid : Belum, pandai!
Cikgu : Berdiri!
Murid : Duduk!
Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!
Murid : Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu : Rosak!
Murid : Baik!
Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
What is the difference between men and women?
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night..
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night..
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
A Poem of INTI
At first I love INTI
But INTI loves my money
I ask money from daddy
But daddy asks mummy
Mummy goes to INTI
And find out why INTI's so greedy
The lift always mati
And the guards look like monkey
That's why I started to hate INTI
INTI don't love me
What for I love INTI
All they need is money
Nothing but money, money and money
The lecturers teach like bugs bunny
No wonder they're so lousy
And their faces look so funny
Like Talos the mummy
Futhermore, more more money flows to INTI
But they never plant more trees
All because they want to save money
Make all students feel hot to mati
First I entered INTI I got no kaki
Later I found someone likes to play tai tee
Then I started don't want to study
Here we can find a lot of kaki judi
That's why we must blame INTI
Since I entered INTI I cant see any leng lui lili sexy
Even the lecturers are more pretty
I always want to date them for tea
But I always kejar they always lari
Dr. Lim from SOLLA always lan si
People said his pucuk already mati
Even Viagra also tak boleh jadi
That's why loh people say he is 'cc'
He likes to tell jokes to everybody
But his joke never funny
Sometimes people thinks that his crazy
Dr. Lim so pity
INTI's toilets really smelly
No water no api
Even you haven't pee
You want to lari
Always complain they also say soli soli
Tan yew sing always said his INTI got quality
Instead everyone knows they are lousy
INTI motive just to earn more money
So that they can pay lecturers salary
And INTI share in KLSE can naik lagi
Waterfish like us always press by INTI
Just to tipu more more money
That is all the story about INTI
Which loves money
But after all I still come to INTI
To contribute money
(u r not in INTI?
u r very lucky
coz INTI cant bluff ur money
just cabut n jangan kembali~!!)
Student of INTI
noway to lari
already jadi SuiYee (waterfish)
plz tell everybody
jangan kena tipu lagi
And this~ frm UTARian
I join Utar because UM reject me,
I thought Utar would be a good uni,
but end up wanna lompat from KLCC...
Utar exist thanks to MCA,
Dr Ling always said Utar bagus;
as he employed all MCA members,
so you can see cina, cina and cina...
Admin people not helpful,
always ask us to tunggu, tunggu, tunggu;
do things slow like siput,
remind again kena marah like gila...
Big white shark always tipu us,
said we could form any clubs;
when we want snooker club,
she said snookers only for smookers...
Utar treat us like donkey,
each seminar put us different places;
from block PA move to block PD,
distance PA to PD is 2km ...
FICT is getting crazy,
keep changing subjects for different intakes;
make us cannot get notes from seniors,
pity us have to study the whole text book...
Utar is University Tak Ada Ruang,
everything in Utar is limited;
based on first-come-first-serve basis,
if you are slow then is too bad ...
Classrooms in Utar are 'cheap sikit',
aircon not cold, we pening kepala,
tables, chairs, white boards all too small,
I wonder who could take the toll...
I drive CLK to Utar everyday,
kesian my Cute Little Kelisa got no place to park,
so I always block people's car,
leave message to remove car,
but end up polis give me summons...
PA canteen uncle very gemuk one,
I think he wear 65 inches pants,
always scold his worker malas tak kerja,
and the food always sejuk tak sedap ...
Library in Utar really kecil,
no books, no seats, no tables;
students there are very noisy,
sometimes I feel like bunuh them...
Utar computer lab tiada standard,
lab assistant always naik angin,
because we always ask him to change ribbon,
and Utar server always go mati ...
Utar got no place for revision,
every corner I go always see people,
break time I always get crazy,
because there is no place to study...
95 percent Utar student are Chinese,
only talk Mandarin, Hokkien and Hakka,
cannot speak a word in English,
so they always carry a electronic dictionary...
No doubts Utar got leng lui,
very pretty, very cute, and sexy,
make sure you got money before asking them out,
if not later she lari...
Utar always claim itself ada standard,
but you will vomit when u know the truth,
paying RM4,000-plus every semester,
but you'll never get the value of 4k ...
Maybe you don't believe that Utar is so lousy,
you may ask your friends from Utar,
to see whether I'm telling the truth,
I'm here to let u know how bad it is ...
So please study hard in STPM,
so that you can go local U,
if not you'll be like me,
paying so much but still empty!
But INTI loves my money
I ask money from daddy
But daddy asks mummy
Mummy goes to INTI
And find out why INTI's so greedy
The lift always mati
And the guards look like monkey
That's why I started to hate INTI
INTI don't love me
What for I love INTI
All they need is money
Nothing but money, money and money
The lecturers teach like bugs bunny
No wonder they're so lousy
And their faces look so funny
Like Talos the mummy
Futhermore, more more money flows to INTI
But they never plant more trees
All because they want to save money
Make all students feel hot to mati
First I entered INTI I got no kaki
Later I found someone likes to play tai tee
Then I started don't want to study
Here we can find a lot of kaki judi
That's why we must blame INTI
Since I entered INTI I cant see any leng lui lili sexy
Even the lecturers are more pretty
I always want to date them for tea
But I always kejar they always lari
Dr. Lim from SOLLA always lan si
People said his pucuk already mati
Even Viagra also tak boleh jadi
That's why loh people say he is 'cc'
He likes to tell jokes to everybody
But his joke never funny
Sometimes people thinks that his crazy
Dr. Lim so pity
INTI's toilets really smelly
No water no api
Even you haven't pee
You want to lari
Always complain they also say soli soli
Tan yew sing always said his INTI got quality
Instead everyone knows they are lousy
INTI motive just to earn more money
So that they can pay lecturers salary
And INTI share in KLSE can naik lagi
Waterfish like us always press by INTI
Just to tipu more more money
That is all the story about INTI
Which loves money
But after all I still come to INTI
To contribute money
(u r not in INTI?
u r very lucky
coz INTI cant bluff ur money
just cabut n jangan kembali~!!)
Student of INTI
noway to lari
already jadi SuiYee (waterfish)
plz tell everybody
jangan kena tipu lagi
And this~ frm UTARian
I join Utar because UM reject me,
I thought Utar would be a good uni,
but end up wanna lompat from KLCC...
Utar exist thanks to MCA,
Dr Ling always said Utar bagus;
as he employed all MCA members,
so you can see cina, cina and cina...
Admin people not helpful,
always ask us to tunggu, tunggu, tunggu;
do things slow like siput,
remind again kena marah like gila...
Big white shark always tipu us,
said we could form any clubs;
when we want snooker club,
she said snookers only for smookers...
Utar treat us like donkey,
each seminar put us different places;
from block PA move to block PD,
distance PA to PD is 2km ...
FICT is getting crazy,
keep changing subjects for different intakes;
make us cannot get notes from seniors,
pity us have to study the whole text book...
Utar is University Tak Ada Ruang,
everything in Utar is limited;
based on first-come-first-serve basis,
if you are slow then is too bad ...
Classrooms in Utar are 'cheap sikit',
aircon not cold, we pening kepala,
tables, chairs, white boards all too small,
I wonder who could take the toll...
I drive CLK to Utar everyday,
kesian my Cute Little Kelisa got no place to park,
so I always block people's car,
leave message to remove car,
but end up polis give me summons...
PA canteen uncle very gemuk one,
I think he wear 65 inches pants,
always scold his worker malas tak kerja,
and the food always sejuk tak sedap ...
Library in Utar really kecil,
no books, no seats, no tables;
students there are very noisy,
sometimes I feel like bunuh them...
Utar computer lab tiada standard,
lab assistant always naik angin,
because we always ask him to change ribbon,
and Utar server always go mati ...
Utar got no place for revision,
every corner I go always see people,
break time I always get crazy,
because there is no place to study...
95 percent Utar student are Chinese,
only talk Mandarin, Hokkien and Hakka,
cannot speak a word in English,
so they always carry a electronic dictionary...
No doubts Utar got leng lui,
very pretty, very cute, and sexy,
make sure you got money before asking them out,
if not later she lari...
Utar always claim itself ada standard,
but you will vomit when u know the truth,
paying RM4,000-plus every semester,
but you'll never get the value of 4k ...
Maybe you don't believe that Utar is so lousy,
you may ask your friends from Utar,
to see whether I'm telling the truth,
I'm here to let u know how bad it is ...
So please study hard in STPM,
so that you can go local U,
if not you'll be like me,
paying so much but still empty!
Health - Very Very Important Tips
Answer the phone by LEFT ear.
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water.
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATERin the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.
Forward this to those whom you CARE about!
HEALTHY JUICES
Carrot + Ginger + Apple -Boost and cleanse our system.
Apple + Cucumber + Celery -Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and eliminate stomach
upset and headache.
Tomato + Carrot + Apple-Improve skin complexion and eliminate bad breath.
Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon -To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi -To improve skin complexion
Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content
Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango -Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization
Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and str engthen body immunity
Papaya + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism
Banana + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation
Answer the phone by LEFT ear.
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day.
Do not take pills with COOL water.
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume.
Drink more WATERin the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping.
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation
is 1000 times.
Forward this to those whom you CARE about!
HEALTHY JUICES
Carrot + Ginger + Apple -Boost and cleanse our system.
Apple + Cucumber + Celery -Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and eliminate stomach
upset and headache.
Tomato + Carrot + Apple-Improve skin complexion and eliminate bad breath.
Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat.
Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat.
Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon -To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney.
Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi -To improve skin complexion
Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content
Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango -Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization
Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and str engthen body immunity
Papaya + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism
Banana + Pineapple + Milk-Rich in vitamin with nutritious and prevent constipation
Alzheimer's Test ??? take this and see
1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If y ou already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999996999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult..
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel
your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having Alzheimer 's Disease.
Congratulations!
As long as WE have memories,Yesterday Will remain,
As long as WE have hope, Tomorrow Will wait,
As long as WE have friendship, Everyday is beautiful ....
The best memories are often made of good friends, good food and a little
slice of time to be together
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If y ou already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999996999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult..
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel
your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having Alzheimer 's Disease.
Congratulations!
As long as WE have memories,Yesterday Will remain,
As long as WE have hope, Tomorrow Will wait,
As long as WE have friendship, Everyday is beautiful ....
The best memories are often made of good friends, good food and a little
slice of time to be together
Friday, March 26, 2010
the best UPSR karangan 2008
Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk.. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.
Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.
Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit "Adoi!". Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.
Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting
Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.
Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit "Adoi..!" dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.
Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.
Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.
Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit "Adoi!". Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.
Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting
Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.
Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit "Adoi..!" dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.
Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.
Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.
FUNNY JOKES
Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: MALAYSIA ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in MALAYSIA
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'RADIO TELEVISYEN MALAYSIA!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child
Sardar: MALAYSIA ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in MALAYSIA
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'RADIO TELEVISYEN MALAYSIA!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child
Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius
.........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your
nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose
feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over
and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her
menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow
ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ...........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are
making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a
glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah.
Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn .............................. you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid
lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ....... ,' Best in Singapore , JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!'
also ah!!!
pass it 2 ur fren.....& let them laugh out loud....
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your
nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose
feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over
and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her
menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow
ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ...........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are
making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a
glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah.
Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn .............................. you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid
lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ....... ,' Best in Singapore , JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!'
also ah!!!
pass it 2 ur fren.....& let them laugh out loud....
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Food for thought INDIANZ...
When will we all change? Here are the facts:
1. Why we need 1700 temples for only 3 million Indians in Malaysia? Its does not makes sense, but we still continue build temple and fight for it.
2. We only have 450 Tamil schools in Malaysia and its getting lesser.
3. Every Fridays, temples in the cities earn minimum of $500 ($2000 per month), no electricity bill, and no water bill.
4. Tamil school - $50 per child per year, electricity bill, water bill, teacher's salary and maintenances every month.
5. Most temples in cities are renovated, air conditioned, and own a beautiful wedding hall.
6. Tamil school was build in 1970's still the same, with broken table and chairs, spoiled fan and lights, buku pinjaman torned, bad environment for student and teachers. I have not seen 1 Tamil school with air conditioned except the HM room, if you know 1 please let me know. I will salute the person who builds it.
7. $2 million Batu Caves Lord Muruga Statue build by Indians with donation money by Indian people, $10 million minimum was spend every year for praying on Thaipusam by devotes (this is the reason i say the Devotees are worse ignorant person).
8. Why blame government for not allocation fund for Tamil school (is it logic), why can't we just pay $1 for praying and $9 for Tamil School?
9. $200 minimum spend by Indian Alcoholicans on every weekend for clubbing and entertainment.
10. Run away or ignore when ask for donation of $5 for Tamil School.
11. In every Indian house there will be TV, HI-FI Radio, CD/DVD player and the classic Astro. They have watched the all the latest Tamil movie even it's not out in theater yet.
12. Their children will be in buku pinjaman, no revision book, never or maybe once been to bookstore, never encourage for piano class, violin class, swimming, even language class other than those offered in school. And no computer with reason can't afford to have 1.
These are some of the issue that we ignore and still doing it. As some of you have considered Tamil Education is a waste of time, for the rest of Indians; are we still going to ignore it or make a change?
Please don't forget that in the 80's, Chinese schools and Tamil Schools was in same level as Sekolah Jenis Kebangsaan. There were more students in Tamil School and the infrastructure was the same.
But today, look at Chinese Schools and compare it with out Tamil Schools, (sigh). Please take note that Chinese Schools most of it are 100% non-government support. As we all already know our government trying to the level best to abolish these 2 schools, they dream are coming true for Tamil Schools but not for Chinese Schools.
If you really really have 2 minutes, just have a look at 1 of Chinese Schools near by your house in the morning or after school.
You can see their parents will be waiting in their Mercedes, BMW, Toyota , Honda and even motorbike to pick their kids from school back home.
I have never ever seen any Indian parents with their Mercedes or Toyota waiting for their kids outside Tamil School .
Maybe there is as we can't see them.....Invisible....:)
Please think....
Valgha Indian
1. Why we need 1700 temples for only 3 million Indians in Malaysia? Its does not makes sense, but we still continue build temple and fight for it.
2. We only have 450 Tamil schools in Malaysia and its getting lesser.
3. Every Fridays, temples in the cities earn minimum of $500 ($2000 per month), no electricity bill, and no water bill.
4. Tamil school - $50 per child per year, electricity bill, water bill, teacher's salary and maintenances every month.
5. Most temples in cities are renovated, air conditioned, and own a beautiful wedding hall.
6. Tamil school was build in 1970's still the same, with broken table and chairs, spoiled fan and lights, buku pinjaman torned, bad environment for student and teachers. I have not seen 1 Tamil school with air conditioned except the HM room, if you know 1 please let me know. I will salute the person who builds it.
7. $2 million Batu Caves Lord Muruga Statue build by Indians with donation money by Indian people, $10 million minimum was spend every year for praying on Thaipusam by devotes (this is the reason i say the Devotees are worse ignorant person).
8. Why blame government for not allocation fund for Tamil school (is it logic), why can't we just pay $1 for praying and $9 for Tamil School?
9. $200 minimum spend by Indian Alcoholicans on every weekend for clubbing and entertainment.
10. Run away or ignore when ask for donation of $5 for Tamil School.
11. In every Indian house there will be TV, HI-FI Radio, CD/DVD player and the classic Astro. They have watched the all the latest Tamil movie even it's not out in theater yet.
12. Their children will be in buku pinjaman, no revision book, never or maybe once been to bookstore, never encourage for piano class, violin class, swimming, even language class other than those offered in school. And no computer with reason can't afford to have 1.
These are some of the issue that we ignore and still doing it. As some of you have considered Tamil Education is a waste of time, for the rest of Indians; are we still going to ignore it or make a change?
Please don't forget that in the 80's, Chinese schools and Tamil Schools was in same level as Sekolah Jenis Kebangsaan. There were more students in Tamil School and the infrastructure was the same.
But today, look at Chinese Schools and compare it with out Tamil Schools, (sigh). Please take note that Chinese Schools most of it are 100% non-government support. As we all already know our government trying to the level best to abolish these 2 schools, they dream are coming true for Tamil Schools but not for Chinese Schools.
If you really really have 2 minutes, just have a look at 1 of Chinese Schools near by your house in the morning or after school.
You can see their parents will be waiting in their Mercedes, BMW, Toyota , Honda and even motorbike to pick their kids from school back home.
I have never ever seen any Indian parents with their Mercedes or Toyota waiting for their kids outside Tamil School .
Maybe there is as we can't see them.....Invisible....:)
Please think....
Valgha Indian
Stress Reliever
Stress Reliever # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
______________________________ _____________________
Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed ! up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 9
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire" :)
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
______________________________ _____________________
Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
"He showed ! up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
______________________________ _______________________
Stress Reliever # 9
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire" :)
You are a Tamilian Only if .......
You are a Tamilian Only if .......
1-You arrive one hour late to a party and findout you are the first one to arrive.
2-You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'anna'
just because he's behind a counter.
3-You wear a suit to a wedding... and you areonly 3 years old.
4-The wedding takes an hour and the grouppictures take five hours.
5-Your mom and sister together own morejewelery than a Chinese jewelery store.
6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is togo down to the temples in India .
7-You talk for an hour at the front door whenleaving someone's house.
8-The second your guests leave the house, yourparents start talking about them.
9-You rent a cassette from the grocery store,it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3
months later.
10-You go to a Tamil Cultural program only tofind one barathanatyam and six hip hop shows.
11-You are somehow related to every new friendyou meet.
12-Your remote control is still in its plasticpacket.
13-You get a 95% on a test and your parents askWhat happened to the other 5%?!'
14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by.
15-You see married couples kissing on TV buthave never seenyour Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.
16-Your parents never address each other byname.
17-When you get your first part-time job, yourparents expect you to give them half.
18-Your mother has a minor dispute with hersister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years.
19-Your parents say Swiss instead ofSwitzerland, Germany is German and England is London .
20-you go to a party and your aunt comments onhow your skin color has changed.
21-You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all thesongs from Roja are dubbed in it.
22-When the teacher took attendance and therewas a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said
'here.'
23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.
24-You have dinner at 10pm.
25-When your parents say 'BBC' theydon't mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or
aunty Kamala.
26-It's normal for all the relatives tobathe the groom on his wedding day.
27-You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousinon your father's side is pregnant even before she does.
28-Your aunties tease you about a particularlyeligible cousin... & you like it!!!
29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and5 spoons of sugar.
30-You only stop putting more rice on yourguest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to
stop.
31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, youget: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you
repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!'
32-If you are a girl, you are expected to comehome before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa,
jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'
33-Halfway through your shower you realize thatyour Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been
replaced by Siyakkai shampoo.
34-You walk in to another Tamil family'shouse and they have the same furniture and dining set as
yours.
35- You are a true tamilian if you forward this mail to another tamilian
1-You arrive one hour late to a party and findout you are the first one to arrive.
2-You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'anna'
just because he's behind a counter.
3-You wear a suit to a wedding... and you areonly 3 years old.
4-The wedding takes an hour and the grouppictures take five hours.
5-Your mom and sister together own morejewelery than a Chinese jewelery store.
6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is togo down to the temples in India .
7-You talk for an hour at the front door whenleaving someone's house.
8-The second your guests leave the house, yourparents start talking about them.
9-You rent a cassette from the grocery store,it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3
months later.
10-You go to a Tamil Cultural program only tofind one barathanatyam and six hip hop shows.
11-You are somehow related to every new friendyou meet.
12-Your remote control is still in its plasticpacket.
13-You get a 95% on a test and your parents askWhat happened to the other 5%?!'
14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by.
15-You see married couples kissing on TV buthave never seenyour Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.
16-Your parents never address each other byname.
17-When you get your first part-time job, yourparents expect you to give them half.
18-Your mother has a minor dispute with hersister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years.
19-Your parents say Swiss instead ofSwitzerland, Germany is German and England is London .
20-you go to a party and your aunt comments onhow your skin color has changed.
21-You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all thesongs from Roja are dubbed in it.
22-When the teacher took attendance and therewas a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said
'here.'
23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.
24-You have dinner at 10pm.
25-When your parents say 'BBC' theydon't mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or
aunty Kamala.
26-It's normal for all the relatives tobathe the groom on his wedding day.
27-You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousinon your father's side is pregnant even before she does.
28-Your aunties tease you about a particularlyeligible cousin... & you like it!!!
29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and5 spoons of sugar.
30-You only stop putting more rice on yourguest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to
stop.
31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, youget: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you
repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!'
32-If you are a girl, you are expected to comehome before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa,
jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'
33-Halfway through your shower you realize thatyour Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been
replaced by Siyakkai shampoo.
34-You walk in to another Tamil family'shouse and they have the same furniture and dining set as
yours.
35- You are a true tamilian if you forward this mail to another tamilian
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:
The result
Markets silent
Streets empty
The police at rest
All mobile companies in loss
No SMS
No Flowers
No Valentine
No Candles
No Perfumes
All the men directed to Heaven.
Markets silent
Streets empty
The police at rest
All mobile companies in loss
No SMS
No Flowers
No Valentine
No Candles
No Perfumes
All the men directed to Heaven.
Beauty of Math!
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
.
Have a nice day & God bless you
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
101%
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
If:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And:
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But:
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:
L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
.
Have a nice day & God bless you
Health - Important Tips
Answer the phone by LEFT ear
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day
Do not take pills with COOL water
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times
Do not drink coffee TWICE a day
Do not take pills with COOL water
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm
Reduce the amount of OILY food you consume
Drink more WATER in the morning, less at night
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONG period of time
Best sleeping time is from 10pm at night to 6am in the morning
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping
When battery is down to the LAST grid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times
Way for a long life
Man : Is there any way for long life ?
Doctor : Get married.
Man : Will it help?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.
~~~~~~~~~
Prospective husband : Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Sales girl : The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
~~~~~~~~~
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
~~~~~~~~~
They say true love hides behind every Corner...
I must be walking in Circles !
Doctor : Get married.
Man : Will it help?
Doctor : No, but the thought of long life will never come.
~~~~~~~~~
Prospective husband : Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Sales girl : The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
~~~~~~~~~
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
~~~~~~~~~
They say true love hides behind every Corner...
I must be walking in Circles !
What is important in life is LIFE, not the result of Life"
A True story!!
It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently
and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her,two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached
the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes we re filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!
YES. This happened in Hyderabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by! National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.
It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently
and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her,two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached
the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes we re filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!
YES. This happened in Hyderabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by! National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.
Why Indian Films Should Win Oscars
Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair...Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair...
Here is our hero's brother....The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls .....
Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor....This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'...This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'....
The shells triggered Balakrishna's brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells...
Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb...The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking...See the weird buttons on the bomb??....The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'....Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...
Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his _expression...Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet
Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Kappalandi...The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on.
He concentrates with the shell between his teeth...Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating...With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb
Loo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army....The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the green button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother
BRILLIANT!!!
Here is our hero's brother....The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls .....
Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor....This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'...This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'....
The shells triggered Balakrishna's brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells...
Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb...The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking...See the weird buttons on the bomb??....The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'....Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...
Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his _expression...Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet
Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Kappalandi...The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on.
He concentrates with the shell between his teeth...Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating...With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb
Loo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army....The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the green button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother
BRILLIANT!!!
NAAN AUTOKARAN BAASHA translate to english
I AM AUTOFELLOW
I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
HEHEHEHE
great hu......?
take care guys!
I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
HEHEHEHE
great hu......?
take care guys!
Why God allows pain and suffering!!
This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen...
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because
if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
i never say that there is no god
if there is god sure feel nice
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because
if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
i never say that there is no god
if there is god sure feel nice
Chinese advise indian! its good
Good advice 'cos it is free.
Change our mind set please ....
built temples but built better TAMIL schools first.
If we save one year "PAAL KUDAM" money at all temples for THAIPUSAM
it is enough to support all poor families children school fare for a year....
pls think.....as for me....
I am not going to take PAAL KUDAM from next year thaipusam.
( I spent about RM 70.00 for paal kudam itselt every year, 5 in a family and
PAAL KUDAM charge RM 5.00 per person.(RM 25) (milk cost RM 50)
It is better to donate the money to TAMIL schools.
Pls change our mind set and pass around..
Indian was not the only one being marginalize in Malaysia.
The Chinese, Kadazan, Iban, Malanau, Orang Asli and even The Malay themselves
were being marginalize by UMNO/BN
I'm a Chinese yet what I going to said is not a racist stuff yet something which how we
Chinese manage to survive.
If you think that the government is helping us,
you are dead wrong. Why is our Chinese primary school is so big and some of
them were even bigger then the Sekolah Kebangsaan? It was from our donation money.
We work like mad to get those money. The government nor the MCA didn't
even give us a penny on it. We work like mad to built those school and make them
bigger because we believe that good education will bring future to our children.
We even hire good teachers from China to teach our student where as the school
is paying them (donation money), NOT THE GOVERNMENT.
When our children want to further their studies, do you think UM, UPM or MARA will accept us?
Hell not with their stupid quota!! So what do we do? Again we work like mad, borrow
money from bank and some even dare to borrow from Ah Long to send our children
on board to further their studies. Some might asked why you want to waste those
money sending your kids outstation? If you look at the recent world ranking
about our local university, you will know why we Chinese send our children away.
You think the Government is sincere in running those local university? Lol, the
ranking and the current unemployment rate show a good example of those so call
UMNO's University.
Back to basic, where do we find the money? Work from
the bottom, don't complaint much, be hardworking, and keep in your mind that the
government and MCA DID NOT HELP US IN SETTING UP OUR CAREER. We have to learn
them ourself, we are not born to be a business man. We are just like everyone,
we are NOT special. People keep complaining that we Chinese is damn rich but do
we steal from you? Do we force you to buy our products? Do we force you to make
business with us? No cause we do it sincerely and we earn those money with our own hand.
Change our mind set please ....
built temples but built better TAMIL schools first.
If we save one year "PAAL KUDAM" money at all temples for THAIPUSAM
it is enough to support all poor families children school fare for a year....
pls think.....as for me....
I am not going to take PAAL KUDAM from next year thaipusam.
( I spent about RM 70.00 for paal kudam itselt every year, 5 in a family and
PAAL KUDAM charge RM 5.00 per person.(RM 25) (milk cost RM 50)
It is better to donate the money to TAMIL schools.
Pls change our mind set and pass around..
Indian was not the only one being marginalize in Malaysia.
The Chinese, Kadazan, Iban, Malanau, Orang Asli and even The Malay themselves
were being marginalize by UMNO/BN
I'm a Chinese yet what I going to said is not a racist stuff yet something which how we
Chinese manage to survive.
If you think that the government is helping us,
you are dead wrong. Why is our Chinese primary school is so big and some of
them were even bigger then the Sekolah Kebangsaan? It was from our donation money.
We work like mad to get those money. The government nor the MCA didn't
even give us a penny on it. We work like mad to built those school and make them
bigger because we believe that good education will bring future to our children.
We even hire good teachers from China to teach our student where as the school
is paying them (donation money), NOT THE GOVERNMENT.
When our children want to further their studies, do you think UM, UPM or MARA will accept us?
Hell not with their stupid quota!! So what do we do? Again we work like mad, borrow
money from bank and some even dare to borrow from Ah Long to send our children
on board to further their studies. Some might asked why you want to waste those
money sending your kids outstation? If you look at the recent world ranking
about our local university, you will know why we Chinese send our children away.
You think the Government is sincere in running those local university? Lol, the
ranking and the current unemployment rate show a good example of those so call
UMNO's University.
Back to basic, where do we find the money? Work from
the bottom, don't complaint much, be hardworking, and keep in your mind that the
government and MCA DID NOT HELP US IN SETTING UP OUR CAREER. We have to learn
them ourself, we are not born to be a business man. We are just like everyone,
we are NOT special. People keep complaining that we Chinese is damn rich but do
we steal from you? Do we force you to buy our products? Do we force you to make
business with us? No cause we do it sincerely and we earn those money with our own hand.
Monday, March 22, 2010
STUPID Q's WITH SMART ANSWER
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick .
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the
mouth.
MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.
Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
Pupil : “The moon”.
Teacher : “Why?”
Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us
light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.
Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested?”
Pupil : “A teacher”.
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current
affairs.
Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot!”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”.
Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance
repeated” .
Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what
virtue would I be showing?”
Student : “Brotherly love”.
Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people
die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others
all died”.
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick .
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the
mouth.
MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.
Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
Pupil : “The moon”.
Teacher : “Why?”
Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us
light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.
Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested?”
Pupil : “A teacher”.
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current
affairs.
Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot!”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”.
Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance
repeated” .
Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what
virtue would I be showing?”
Student : “Brotherly love”.
Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people
die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others
all died”.
HEADACHE WITH ENGLISH...
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
ABOUT GIRL OF DIFFERENT TYPES...
Chineses Piaomei
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner again,that night,
she is yours.
Third date:
You have to worry nothing.Got money? she is yours.
INDIAN MINACHI
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.
MALAY MINAH
.gif)
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third Date:
She moves in.
One week later, her father, , her 4 mother, her 18 sisters, her 20 brothers, all of their kids, her 16 grandmas, her father's girlfriend's mother, her 268 cousins all move in.
But don't worry you can repeat this 4 times. ;-)
WHITE MARY
First Date:
You both get drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get drunk and have sex.
ARAB AL-KATIJAH
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date:
You are shot dead.
Third date:
Not Applicable
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner again,that night,
she is yours.
Third date:
You have to worry nothing.Got money? she is yours.
INDIAN MINACHI
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.
MALAY MINAH
.gif)
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third Date:
She moves in.
One week later, her father, , her 4 mother, her 18 sisters, her 20 brothers, all of their kids, her 16 grandmas, her father's girlfriend's mother, her 268 cousins all move in.
But don't worry you can repeat this 4 times. ;-)
WHITE MARY
First Date:
You both get drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get drunk and have sex.
ARAB AL-KATIJAH
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date:
You are shot dead.
Third date:
Not Applicable
Friday, March 19, 2010
BET YOU WILL LOVE THIS
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
I could not believe this!!! Just try it!
It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and
you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your
foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and
while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it
is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not
already done so. Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
I could not believe this!!! Just try it!
It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and
you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your
foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and
while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it
is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not
already done so. Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!
I could not believe this!!! Just try it!
It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and
you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your
foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and
while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it
is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not
already done so. Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
I could not believe this!!! Just try it!
It is from an orthopedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and
you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your
foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and
while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift
your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!!
And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it
is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not
already done so. Send it to your friends to frustrate them too!
Great Sayings On Marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
*********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Gui try
********* After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
*********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
*********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
*********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
*********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
*********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
*********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
*********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Anonymous
*********
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
*********
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Gui try
********* After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
*********
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
*********
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
*********
The great question.... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
*********
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
*********
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
*********
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
*********
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
*********
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
*********
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
*********
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
*********
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Anonymous
*********
33 Facts about Guyz *really very true...................
Girls r surely going to read it
*Belive it or not.......
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about .
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
..... so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.
24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
25. Guys think too much.
26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.
28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!
29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.
30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.
31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
32. Guys hate girls who overreact.
33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your
relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?
TELL THIS TO ALL GIRLS SO THAT THEY CAN REALLY UNDERSTAND
GUYS
TELL THIS TO GUYS TO LET THEM KNOW THEMSELVES MORE.......
*Belive it or not.......
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about .
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
..... so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.
24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
25. Guys think too much.
26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.
28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!
29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.
30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.
31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
32. Guys hate girls who overreact.
33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your
relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?
TELL THIS TO ALL GIRLS SO THAT THEY CAN REALLY UNDERSTAND
GUYS
TELL THIS TO GUYS TO LET THEM KNOW THEMSELVES MORE.......
DIFFERENT WITH MAN AND WOMAN
TWO WOMEN TALKING:
============ ========= ========= ====
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
============ ========= ========= ========
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
CONVERSATION FINISH
**********
============ ========= ========= ====
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
============ ========= ========= ========
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
CONVERSATION FINISH
**********
MEANING OF MISTAKE ACCORDING TO JOB
TITLE MISTAKE
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a NEW STYLE
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a NEW PATH
If a engineer makes a mistake ,
It is a NEW VENTURE
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a NEW GENERATION
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a NEW LAW
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a NEW INVENTION
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a NEW FASHION
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a NEW THEORY
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a NEW IDEA
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a
"MISTAKE"
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a NEW STYLE
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a NEW PATH
If a engineer makes a mistake ,
It is a NEW VENTURE
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a NEW GENERATION
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a NEW LAW
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a NEW INVENTION
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a NEW FASHION
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a NEW THEORY
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a NEW IDEA
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a
"MISTAKE"
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
Engineers Describe Women
Woman- As Explained by Engineers
Finally - an explanation of Woman that makes sense to a man:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)